The Dolly Daily Word

Friends may Come and Go; but Cellulite stays Forever.

Human beings are the only animals who have the capacity to feel hate for their bodies.

Does a cat stop eating because its belly is too low? Does an elephant worry because its kneecaps wrinkle? Does a hippo get upset because its thighs rub together when it walks? No!

Take a lesson from the Animal Kingdom. They don’t stress about over-eating themselves to death. They just do it!

PROP: raining letters from heaven

Thousands of desperate letters reach The Dolly every day requesting autographed copies of her book, “Diet ‘Til You Die”. This brilliant best seller deals with the more complicated issues around dieting.

PROP: big book

One especially tender chapter “Binge Baby Binge,” concentrates on the gnawing problems of finding a successful binge/purge technique.

The Dolly playfully reminisces about her childhood days around the porcelain bowl and the dreadful burst blood vessels that used to accompany them.

FADE OUT IN FRENZY…

GET IT NOW!

1. Set your alarm clock to ring fifteen minutes after you want to wake up. The Dolly sets her clock for 9:15 am, which makes her fifteen minutes late in the morning.

2. Realizing that you are late, you quickly jump out of bed. This limb pounding will strengthen ankle and calf muscles.

3. Morning panics burn-off an automatic 20 calories, or more depending on your neurosis.

4. Reach for that unused condom and fill it with chilled witch-hazel, then place it (all 8″) on your puffy eyes to reduce unsightly baggage. Reduced water weight - 0.001 ounces.

5. Then brush your teeth the wrong way. That horizontal movement may not be good for your teeth or your gums, but will do wonders for that flabby underarm.

6. Race to the kitchen, to pop a multi-grain piece of health bread into your toaster. Make sure to use a long knife to jimmy your crumbling bread out of your toaster. A quick electrical shock will give your heart that cardio-workout necessary to jumpstart your day. Another - 50 calories burned!

7. With no time left, you skip breakfast altogether, jump into your clothes and then run to your car - 50 calories.

8. Remember to bump your head on the car door as you enter and then start swearing. This warms up the vocal cords and starts producing stomach acid, which will in turn; tighten those tummy muscles! - 50 more calories.

If your bump is severe enough you may be one of the lucky ones who gets amnesia and so repeats ‘The Dolly Breakfast Plan’ over and over again. You are likely to burn more calories than you can remember…

And if you can’t remember, just forget it!